I’m not really one to rag on Mondays. Frankly, any day at work feels like Monday feels to the rest of the world so, I’m an equal opportunity hater when it comes to week days. And that’s just where I’m at right now.
But as far as Mondays go, today really embodies the innate essence of Monday.
1) On my way to work this morning, I was thrilled that there was no traffic until I realized that the reason there was no traffic is because the rest of America has the day off today. Not me, though. Not me.
2) This is, word for word, the weather report I heard this morning:
“Good morning! Hey, it’s raining, but at least it’s early, and it’s Monday. Temperatures will be dropping gradually over the day, leaving us with lows in the mid-20’s tonight!”
3) I smacked the everloving dog shit out of my head getting out of the car on my way in to the office.
4) OFFICE HEATERS ARE BROKEN LOL
5) Saw a box of doughnuts on the break table, thought my Monday was turning around. Walking back to my desk, magically grew a clubfoot and tripped twice in twenty seconds, losing my doughnut on the second falter. Did not go back for another doughnut.
But, no one, and I do mean no one, is having a worse Monday than my mother’s cat: